The Ennui of Relationship

I began this collage with a sketch from a photograph of me and my husband while in a really bad place in our relationship. I hate to say, “bad place” as if that is a static moment. It was one of those moments of ennui and I was trying to just feel. So I grabbed a picture. A very old picture of us and began to sketch. Let me also say, we do not look anything at all like the two people in this sketch. However, I would offer up that the subconscious was working in that moment as it always is. In many ways I sketched our essence. Two weary people, lost a child, he isn’t the prize fighter of the day anymore but she sure looks happy.

I also found it interesting that in my picture, the woman looks way happier and the man looks way more weary. Could that be Spirit sending a message?

I began to feel a little less restless in this moment. I don’t think when I make art. I allow it to help me. It is an interesting medium in which I have no control but get all the answers I need if I keep going back to look at it.

Some relationships are harder than others for different reasons. But really, isn’t it like a game of last man standing? Also, like anything else in this life who will you find to encourage you in that? In seeking your whisper?

The Bible is awesome. But God is bigger. How do I know? While spending 18 months in and out of the hospital praying for life and not attending church I found God. That is a story for another time, but I say that to say access the divine.

I wrote on my picture “hear with your soul.” Sounds romantic right? Well, what if your marriage is looking very different than the picture and bombs are dropping and guns are firing etc…

My daughter looked great. I prayed. I fasted. People said she would be healed. For a time I knew she was. Then one moment, although she looked fantastic, I knew I would lose her. I just knew it. So I lived. I tried to fight it but I respected her life as her. Like I was once a child that would grow. So was she. Except she did not, but she was still a person. Gary Zukav didn’t need to tell me that. I just looked in her eyes.

The soul knows what to do. Get your paint. Get your paper. Get a magazine, scissors and glue. What is your heart telling you today? Take 30 min to 1 hour on this creative exercise. I would love to see.

Your soul knows….

Until then let’s hold space for each other. Let’s heal together. Let’s continually lift each other up in love.


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